


Secret I

by b67112759



Series: Behinds the scenes with Jayseung & their secretes [1]
Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Comforting, Cuddling, Cute, Established Relationship, Fluff, Heejay, Kisses, M/M, Seungjay, Worries, jayseung, thoughts and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:46:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27741715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b67112759/pseuds/b67112759
Summary: In which we learn about what happens behind the scenes of Iland with Jayseung....(This series was originally on my tweeter page but I moved it here)
Relationships: Lee Heeseung & Park Jongseong | Jay, Lee Heeseung/Park Jongseong | Jay
Series: Behinds the scenes with Jayseung & their secretes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2029336
Kudos: 56





	Secret I

**Author's Note:**

> Non of this is real, this is just made because the lack of Jayseung in the world is saddening. Mention of other trainees. I love all ot23 trainees. But don’t forget to Stan the 7 boys. Please no hate. If you don’t like don’t read.☺️

They made a plan. Keep a friendly distance.  
Don’t attract to much attention. Make it look natural. 

It was easier said then done really. They had know each other for 4 years. Been dating for the last 6 months. Pretending as if they didn’t wanted to be in others arms was going to kill. It was going to be hard on bother of them. 

Especially Jay. Whilst he never acted like it, he loved to be able to hold or touch his Heeseung Hyung. He would - of course - never admit it but it was one of his favourite things. That fact that for the next possible 3 months Jay couldn’t do such things really did piss him off. 

But they had no choice.

I-LAND would be filmed and watch by the audiences. They just couldn’t risk getting caught. 

So they had a plan. When they would meet they would act as if they know each other but kept a good distance. Not too much interaction. Mingle with the other trainees. Don’t stare at each other. And no physical touch. That was a main thing. Because once they started all self awareness and control when out of the room.

Easy right? 

Wrong. 

When Jay entered Iland with Sunghoon he felt ready. He was ready to chase for his dream and debut. He knew it would be hard and he was nervous. But he was determined. He had his honey, his best friend Sunghoon and his Heeseung hyung. He could do it. 

Meeting and seeing the other trainees was interesting and a little awkward but that was to be expected. Heeseung had yet to arrive and it was a god thing. They less they see of each other the easier it would be. They were talking amongst themselves when a new trainee was coming in. Jay looked up curious and saw a tall figure walking.

His heartbeat picked up a little when he saw the familiar figure and his eyes widened when Heeseung came to view. He vaguely heard Sunghoon saying it was Heeseung but Jay didn’t listen because Heeseung looked perfect as usual. Jay couldn’t help but openly look and smile at him, giving him a secrete messages that said sit next to me. And he did sit. He sat right next to a jay and settled down. Jay immensely greeted him making it casual like planned. Jay hadn’t planned on looking or talking to Heeseung much but seeing the other tranines talk to Heeseung and say how much they liked him irked him, Heeseung belonged to him and anyone who thought differently would see a side to Jay that Sunghoon called, ‘actually fucking scary’. 

~~

Heeseung was upset.

He was typically the more touchy of the two. He liked having Jays arms around him. Liked entwining their fingers together. Leaning his head on Jays shoulder. Like the simple touches they gave each other. His knew Jay claimed he didn’t care for such physical affection but actually loved it. So now in iland, him not being able to touch his boyfriend was just cruel. Heeseung had complained to Sunghoon about it the moment the two of them were alone in their bathroom together after the voting. He and Jay decided it was best not to share a room to stop an suspicion but not poor Sunghoon would have to listen to Heeseung talk about it for however long. 

They had made sure to disconnect their mic packs and made sure no camera was around. 

“I swear Sunghoon, it’s hasn’t even been a day since we’ve been here and I already miss him. It’s just so hard” Heeseung says confiding in his best friend. 

“Honestly hyung I don’t know why you letting yourself suffer. If I was you I wouldn’t bother hiding it this much” Sughoon said casually. He didn’t understand why his two silly best friends thought this was a good idea.’

“Because we are going to be on TV. Neither of us can afford to make a mistake....Besides if we debut together we’ll need to get used to having to limit our interactions when we have schedules”

“Hyung, do you realise that people who are fans are extremely smart. They’ll be able to sus you an Jay out eventually no matter how much you try and hide it” Sunghoon said smirking.

Heeseung’s eyes went wide at that realisation. 

That was a problem. 

~~

Picking parts for Iland was painful. For both of them. Jay felt completely humiliated. Felt like he didn’t wasn’t as good as the others. It hurt that people thought so little of him and that showed in his face. He tried not to look so bothered and tried for as many parts as possible. He wasn’t going to give up. 

Heeseung who had been trying so hard not to explode with a because of what was happening had to keep his composure. This was also painful for him. Seeing Jay so dejected. He understood why people weren’t voting for him. Jay’s voice did crack when singing but that was expected. Jays was naturally really good hitting lower notes. But Heeseung had heard Jay singing higher notes so knew he could do it. He was just a little nervous and hadn’t had enough time to study the song. But the others obviously wouldn’t know that which is why they didn’t vote for him. 

He tried not to look at Jay because it hurt but when Daniel lightly nuggets him and pointed to Jay looking down, Heeseung’s heart broke. 

As soon as they wrapped up the choosing of parts, Heeseung led Jay to the bathroom for privacy from the other trainees and the cameras. 

As soon as they were alone Jay grabbed Heeseung and pulled him into a hug, arms around Heeseung, pushing his face into his neck and letting himself calm down. Heeeung allowed him and brought his hand to Jay hair and rubbed is slowly as Jay liked. They didn’t say anything to each other. Heeseung knew Jay didn’t want to talk right now and just needed physical contact. Needed his Heeseung. They could talk later. Right now they needed to hug. 

~~

As they sat in the meeting with members of Iland talking about Heeseung’s leadership Jay felt many things. Jay could sympathise with them. Some of them only had a couple of months training and honestly didn’t have much experience in training to be an idol. They didn’t know really how harsh it could be. 

Doing single dances in front of teammates wasn’t a bad thing. In fact Jay was proud that Heeseung came up with the idea. Having everyone dance meant that they could see how to improve and try get the best score possible. If they had any chance of them all get 90 and above they all needed to be perfect. It was clear that the others clearly couldn’t see it as they said Heeseung methods was harsh and made them cry. Then them just criticising Heeseung upset Jay. They didn’t know this but to Heeseung, nothing was more important than them all staying in iland. 

The sudden change to making Heeseung do the 10th spot made his heart stop a little. Because this had to be a joke. Heeseung was the best person to be number 1 and centre. No once could sing, dance, act they way he could. Heeseung brought this power and that was why he was called the ace. 

But within minutes Heeseung lost his spot. Jay looked at him, looking for a simple sign that said would tell Jay to stand up and fight for Heeseung’s place against the others. But when he looked at him, Jay realised something. Heeseung was allowing Niki to take his spot he thought it would be best for the team. Heeseung was willing to sacrifice that for this team and for their success. 

That not only made Jay proud of his Heeseung hyung, but upset that Jay because he knew Heeseung was hurting. That night, when Sunghoon told him that Heeseung was downstairs on his own sitting Jay went to find him. 

He was sitting on in the rest room near the practice rooms.. Jay sat next to him as watched as Heeseung tried his best to pull a smile that trembled. But Jay saw through it and pulled Heeseung into his arms. Jay knew Heeseung felt as if he failed as a leader and didn’t do a good job so he began to whisper to the other, telling him how good he was and how non of it was his fault.

And after the evaluation with Rain sunbaenim and the others brought the idea that Heeseung and Niki would chance places, Jay was actually done. They were just pulling Heeseung in different directs and Heeseung was letting them because he was selfless. All he wanted was what was best for them team. 

~~

When Heeseung saw the results and how 6 of them would be going to ground his head hurt. This was what he was trying to avoid. He planned for no one to leave. And now he had failed. The guilt he felt as he had to pick people to send to ground was hard on him. He would only hope they would forgive him. 

Then when he heard Jay would be set to ground something shattered inside of him. Jay was going. He would separated from him. Then when all the members leaving were called Heeseung couldn’t keep in the tears. He didn’t want them to leave. He had grown close to some of them. Watched them grown and practice. It wasn’t fair.

He hugged Jake, Daniel and Niki the hardest. He knew Jake felt like he didn’t go a good job and he knew that Niki was blaming himself for everything when it wasn’t his fault. He hugged Daniel hard because the maknae had been going around speeding positivity and now looked so sad. 

When he hugged Jay that’s when the tears began to come hard. He felt like he couldn’t breath. They were taking his Jay away. His happiness. He brokenly whispered to Jay that he was coming back and he had to come back no matter what. That they were going to debut. Jay whispered to him that he promised to come back and they would run together. 

When they pulled away and Jay went to hug someone else, Heeseung pulled Jake into a hug, this whispered that he needed to come back to because he knew the younger had potential and believe in him. 

When it was time for them to leave, Heeseung couldn’t stop his crying. He watched as they entered the egg and had to hold himself back from running and holding them, telling them to stay. When the egg began to rotate Heeseung found himself following, crying promising himself that they would be together again. He saw Jay, telling him that it would all be okay but to Heeseung it wasn’t okay. They needed to debut together. Heeseung didn’t want to live in a world were he and Jay weren’t on the same team. 

When the egg fully tuned and they were gone Heeseung felt as if he legs were going to give out. Geonu who was in as much tears as him reach and hugged him and Heeseung hugged him back. The two cried as the others began began to comfort them so when the new ilanders came, he would be composed.

~~

When Jay came back it was a relief for the both of them. They were both safe and would achieve their dream together.

~~

Heeseung silently watching as K comfort Jay after the hip hop unit replacement. It hurt him. Hurts that Jay is hurting. He can’t help but feel upset at those who did this. Those who brought up the idea and those who voted against Jay. Heeseung understands that they thought they were doing what they thought was best for the team since they need to win but it still upets him. Especially when Heeseung knows Jay can do it. He knows Jay will pull it off. He also knows that Sunghoon will do a good job but hip hop is Jays thing. Jay loves it 

Heeseung trained with Geonu and as soon as Jay and K left the small practice room, Heeseung was at Jays side and is pulling him into a hug. They don’t say anything to each other as Jay inhales Heeseung’s sent and Heeseung drops kisses on Jays neck to comfort him. He feels Jay relax in him arms and feels the other members eyes on them. But they aren’t Heeseungs priority. His priority is Jay. 

So Heeseung turns and leads Jay back up the stairs and to the bedroom. They sit in the bed and Heeseung allows Jays to talk more and let out his emotions for 30 minutes before they have to leave to practice. They weren’t meant to lie on the same bed and cuddle but Heeseung didn’t care. And seeing the smile on Jays face when they left to practice made Heeseungs heart warm and it worth it. 

~~

They were another step closer to their dream. Making into the final 6 made the dream more real. Losing Geonu made it real too. Geonu who had become one of Heeseung’s best friend, the only person other than Sunghoon and Jungwon to know about Heeseung and Jay and the person who believed in Jay wasn’t part of the 6. Yes there was a chance he could come back but it was still horrible. 

The training camp they would be doing with the older trainees was fantastic. Not only could they train with their friends and catch up, it also ment that Jay and Heeseung could spend time together without the worry of cameras. They couldn’t sleep in the same room but they did spend a lot of time together and were often by each other’s side. They knew this caused some confusion to the other trainees were weren’t used to seeing them so close but they didn’t care. They don’t have long and they they would make the most of it.

~~

Jay was proud. Heeseung scored 93 points. The highest point given in iland. And it made sense. Heeseungs performance of fake love was beautiful. He was beautiful. Jay felt he was watching an actual idol, not a trainee. That’s how good he was. 

Heeseung was amazed. Amazed at how amazing Jay looked on stage. Like he belonged there. Everything about him was perfect. Singing, dancing, facial expression actions. Jay looked so powerful performing. It was another reminder of him Jay deserved to be an Idol. 

~~

Jay was upset with him. 

Why? 

Heeseung wasn’t sure. 

After picking his ‘Fliker’ team Heeseung could sense that Jay wasn’t happy and that didn’t sit with him. Jay had been keeping a polite distance, joking around and saying that they were in completion. Heeseung played along, thinking that Jay was doing it on purpose, but during the mid-evaluation and Jay spoke about taking Heeseung’s bed without looking at him, Heeseung knew he did really something wrong. 

After the evaluation Heeseung found Jay in the pantry. His smiled and back hugged him. He felt Jay freeze a little and push him away. 

“Why are you upset? What did I do?” Heeseung asked pulling away to facing Jay. 

“The units” Jays answered simply. 

“Yeah, what about them?” 

“You didn’t pick me” Jay turned back to looking at the food before Heeseung could see the pout on his lips. 

“Well yeah. I looked at the music, vocals and dance for the both of them. I though about what song would suit each members and how it would look. I didn’t pick you because I already know that ‘Dive into you’ is the perfect song for you. Not only will the song itself allow you to shine but I also thought that you would be a good leader to the others..... I thought you would like that?” Heeseung frowned confused a little. He was only thinking logically. 

“What I would like is to be in the same unit as you. It would have given us a chance to be around each other constantly and be in each other’s personal space without arousing any suspicions. Not to mention I would have thought you would want me on you team. It felt like you abandoned me” the last words he said were quieter, almost a whisper.

Heeseungs heart stinged and he grabbed Jays hand and interlaced their fingers. His right hands went up to Jays hair as he played with the strands of his hair. 

“Hey, why would you think that? I would never abandon you. Your Jay. My Jay. My Jongseong. My boyfriend who drinks honey when stressed. I could never ever leave you. I only put you in ‘Dive into you’ because the song would suit you so well. I saw it. And Jake told me how good of a job you did leading the others in ‘ground’, I never got to see it and I wanted to give you a chance to shine whilst doing it... I’m sorry if I made you feel this way. I swear that’s not what I was doing... I would love to be in the same unit as you. Be able to be close to you without it being suspicious. But I was just thinking in the long term. We need to make sure we debut together. I thought sacrificing time whilst in iland would be worth it since we would be together after debut” Heeseungs voice was soft, full of emotions that caught Jays heart. 

“I’m sorry that made you feel this way” Heeseung leaned his forehead against Jay so that they were closer. Jays hand came up and rested themselves on Heeseungs waist and pulled him close. 

“It’s okay. I’m just frustrated that we have to stay apart and act as if we don’t want each other. I see you everyday but you feel so far” Jay signed, he didn’t have enough honey to replaced Heeseungs sweetness. 

“I feel the same” 

“I understand why you didn’t pick me. Thank you for thinking about me and my best interests” Jay smiled as he spoke. 

“Of course. We are in this together. And I’ve been watching you, your doing such an amazing job leading them. I know you’ll put on an amazing performance” Heeseung watched as Jay blushed a little at the compliment which made him smile wider.

~~

When Jay wrote the small note as he though he would be leaving iland he had a lot of regret. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to have his dream. So when he thought about what to write to Heeseung he spoke about how the older inspired him. Before they were dating they were friends, trained together and Jay wanted to tell Heeseung that by meeting him everything changed. 

Because his Heeseung hyung was life’s turning point for Jay. No doubt about it . Not just because Jay was ridiculous in love with him, but aside from that Heeseung always pushed Jay, believed in him, helped him, looked after him. He knew that Heeseung knew that, but it wouldn’t hurt to write done his feelings. As he watched and listened to Heeseung read his letter he became nervous. Not just because it felt like his heart was because exposed, but because he really wanted to kiss him. Jay was almost certain that they couldn’t continue together but they had been given another chance. He was going to take it. 

Jay watched as Heeseung finished reading the letter and looked up at him. Their eyes met and Jay knew exactly what his hyung was saying. 

‘Your such a sap’  
‘But thank you’  
‘I’m so happy your here with me’  
‘I want to hold you’ 

And Jay’s was certain he was about to grab his Heeseung hyung when Heeseung looked away and started talking, promoting Sunoo to talk to. Jay couldn’t help feel embarrassed as he forgot the younger one was there in the room. 

~~

Jay was upset with Sunoo.

Why?

Because Heeseung was part of the chamber 5 team and now has been going around, purposely acting cute to practice for the concept. And it was doing things to Jays heart. Heeseung wasn’t allowed to act cute. It was bad enough that Heeseung could be just naturally cute without even realising it but how now Heeseung was practicing it to everyone including him. And since they were in the same room, Jay had to deal with saying Goodnight to him whilst acting cute.

Yeah, Jay needed more honey. 

~~ 

Seeing Heeseung upset about his score made Jay upset. Heeseung has such high expectations of himself that if he didn’t do as well as he hoped, he would take it hard. After the ranking Jay first spoke with Jungwon. The younger was practically like Heeseung and Jay’s son at this point and as K had asked to speak to Heeseung, Jay would speak to him a little later. He first comforted Jungwon who was certain that he would leave iland. 

Later on Jay and Heeseung sat in the yellow room. Jay’s had sent the others away to the purple room because where Heeseung goes the others follow. 

They hadn’t said anything in the 10 minutes they had been laying in Jay’s bed. Heeseung’s head on Jay’s should, their legs entwined. Jay was waiting for Heeseung to open up first my the older was more interested in playing Jay’s fingers then talking, a habit he had when he was hiding something. 

“Hyung?” Jay started. Heeseung hummed and Jay took it as a sign. 

“I know you upset because you thought you could do better. Because you thought you let them team down. But I know there is something else... what is it?” Jay’s asked carefully, wanting Heeseung to open up to him. 

Jay moved his hand his to move the hood that was covering Heeseung face as they older looked up at him. 

“I’m worried.. Worried that I won’t debut” Heeseung said softly. His eyes showing vulnerability. Instead of speaking, Jay allowed Heeseung to take his time to gather his thoughts. 

“The producer-nims and director-nims have such high expectations of me. After the Fake Love performance it grew and I needed to keep those expectations. Today, getting a lower score scared me. I’m scared that they’ll decide that I won’t meet that expectation anymore and I won’t be able to debut” Heeseung said softly looking away from Jay as he finally spoke about his inner worry. 

Jay felt like a bad boyfriend for no realising this but quickly dismissed that thought. Heeseung was good at hiding things when he wanted to. Jay brushed some of their head off his forehead and kissed his forehead letting it linger for a while before away. A smile played on his lips as Heeseung looked up at him. 

“I get it. I understand... But there something your forgetting.... Lee Heeseung is the perfect idol” Jay starts watching as Heeseung turn slightly red. 

“The PD-nims and Director-nims do have high expectations and do judge you harshly. I’ve noticed. But despite that, they already know that they will have you in the debut team. From the beginning I’m certain that they already planned to have you. Their evaluations now are just to prepare you for debuting because we both know Idol life will be tough. I know you worried about your future. But I’m not. I know you’ll make it. I am certain. Because you are not only amazing, but you work hard for it. Your passion for music is so inspiring. That same passion is what made me first approached you to be friends. You Lee Heeseung are the Ace of a I-land. You will debut. I promise” Jay whispered to the older, watching him turn red and a smile come as Heeseung his face in Jay’s shirt, embarrassed filling him. 

“Jay-ahh, you came say such things and expect my heart not to explode” Heeseung said and Jay laughed. Heeseung could handle such compliments from anyone else, but if it came from Jay, he couldn’t take it. 

Jay pulled Heeseung up as lifted his head up. The smile plasters on Heeseung face sent butterflies straight to his stomach and made his heart skip a beat. How anyone could be do beautiful was beyond him. 

“It’s okay to be nervous and worried. I am too. But we have each other. We have the other members. Together we will work hard. I know that we won’t all make it and it going to be hard, but I know we can do this together” Jay finished as Heeseung silently agreed. They lay their for a bit. Just gazing at each other and smiling, enjoying their time alone because they knew in a little while one of the maknaes - most like Sunoo who recently found out about Jay and Heeseung and was now in love with how in love they were - would come in and they would have to separate. At this point they didn’t even care about the cameras. The likely of those scenes actually being used was non existence so who cared. 

“Jay?” Heeseung whispered his hand going up to touch Jay’s cheek. 

“Hmmm?” 

“Thank you” 

“Anytime my love” 

~~

They made it. 

They actually did it. 

They made it to the debut group. 

They were going to debut together.

This was it. 

They had just finished filming and were now he just entered the waiting room. Heeseung who had been the first to enter turned so that he could find Jay and congratulate him like wanted to. 

He barley turned when lips crashed to his and arms were around him. Knowing exactly who it was Heeseung relaxed in arms arms and ignored the shouts of protest from the members. They had been waiting to do this for a long time and no was was going to stop them. 

They were happy.


End file.
